Uwe Rosler’s Grandad Mk XXXV

8,392 thoughts on “Uwe Rosler’s Grandad Mk XXXV

  1. berkozboy: I think it was noted first here in the snug. I forget by whom, perhaps Alph, Valers or one of our absent friends but the comment was “look out for a young lad called Phil Foden.”

    ……………………………………………………………..

    I’d love to take the credit for that berko, and the only thing stopping me is the lengthy memories of Calgers and Valers, not my conscience Big Smile

    It was my co-founder, the man responsible for the eventual name of this web site, once more missing in action, the redoubtable Kippo. During his last brief sojourn here he enthusiastically bigged up a 14 year old kid he’d seen in an Academy u16 game. I recall him saying that this kid was the most natural talent he had ever seen at City, told us to watch out for the lad, and forecast big things for the young Phil Foden.

    RIP Kippo – gone but not forgotten.

    Alph

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  2. It says something about his elevation into a wider consciousness outside East Beswick that the comment feed on the BBC footie page is filled with “Get Foden” calls. It’s not clear whether this is a response to the creative powerhouse of an England midfield of Livermore, Dier and Loftus-Cheek or a genuine desire to see more of our boy.

    I think it was noted first here in the snug. I forget by whom, perhaps Alph, Valers or one of our absent friends but the comment was “look out for a young lad called Phil Foden.”

    The prophecy seems to be fulfilling itself and Foden may be the best thing to have ever come out of our academy system. For many years we have all anticipated moments like this with Michael Johnson and more latterly Suarez, Lopes, Pozo, Rekik, the Garcias, Sancho and now Maffeo. Foden (and possibly Diaz) seem to be a step above all of them and I fear that if he does not succeed in our senior set up we may as well close the doors on the development project forever.

    Saying all of this it would still be a mistake to accelerate his progress in anything other than sensible incremental steps. His physical development is not complete yet and at 17 there are obvious long term risks if this is inhibited through injury or fatigue. As we celebrate the centenary of the British Government’s support for the establishment of a national homeland for the Jews in Palestine and the second anniversary of the exodus of the Cockermouth One, this sentiment will henceforth be known as The Balfers Declaration

    I remain

    Berko

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  3. Berko, good to know that the tenner I sent to the “Buy a Nuke for Hamas” appeal was not entirely wasted.
    Seriously though, let’s not forget that Italy had defenders comfortable on the ball when other nations were happy for their back four to try and decapitate the pretty girl in row ZZ. Admittedly in the last few years gli azzurri have lost their way. Serie A, once the best league in Europe is now shit; the clubs with the possible exception of Juve are impoverished and, in many cases, have closed down their development classes. Nowadays, the nation’s youth want to be Valentino, rather than Paolo Rossi. Altogether a shocking state of affairs and the decline won’t be stopped in a hurry.

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  4. berkozboy: Sorry Valers. I shouldn’t have caused my prejudices towards a robbing eyetie barsteward to delegitimise your Adriatic angst.

    …………………………………………….

    A gentlemanly, nay noble apology Berko; I’m proud of you old fellow.
    Valers will be made up. Big Smile

    Alph

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  5. alphonso: Berko, perchance a trifle curmudgeonly?

    Possibly…and don’t mention trifle. You can’t get a decent brandy and custard soaked boudoir biscuit in these parts for a sheikh’s ransom.

    I’m just a little jaded with the journos that are still recycling stories that start with “City ruining (insert any erstwhile object of purity and virtue ). “. For complete transparency I’m also peeved that the ex pat Italian mechanic at my local garage has just fleeced me for the abovementioned sheikh’s ransom for a new radiator. Sorry Valers. I shouldn’t have caused my prejudices towards a robbing eyetie barsteward to delegitimise your Adriatic angst.

    I remain

    Berko

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  6. berkozboy: Apparently his desire to see defenders play football rather than fanny around for 90 minutes, checking their hair and waving to the pretty girl in row 8 in the hope that something will eventually happen in front of them is not the normal way and it has completely disrupted their methods and thrown 48 year old Chiellini into a frenzy of confusion.

    ……………………………………………………………………………

    Berko, perchance a trifle curmudgeonly?

    I watched the last 10 minutes of hoof and hope, Italian style, and wept for Valers.
    But then, that’s the sort of guy I am Smile

    Alph

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  7. berkozboy: Whatever next, a veggie variant with sun dried tomatoes and vegan cheese?

    ……………………………………………………………………….

    I hadn’t realised you knew about this new pie variants Berko, they were only launched last week, by popular demand of the posh ‘chaises longues section’ where Calgers and Co recline.

    Have you tried them yet Calgers?

    Alph

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  8. Valentino Azzurro:
    I will add my two lire’s worth on the subject of Can He? or Can’t He? (shades of ‘Izzet big enough’? here) when I’ve come out of mourning. Oh my Maldini and Baresi long ago.
    I may be some little time.

    Oh do me a favour Valers. These are the same Eyeties that were moaning yesterday that Pep has ruined Italian football without ever having managed a team there. Apparently his desire to see defenders play football rather than fanny around for 90 minutes, checking their hair and waving to the pretty girl in row 8 in the hope that something will eventually happen in front of them is not the normal way and it has completely disrupted their methods and thrown 48 year old Chiellini into a frenzy of confusion. Bloody Pep!!!

    I remain

    Berko

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  9. I will add my two lire’s worth on the subject of Can He? or Can’t He? (shades of ‘Izzet big enough’? here) when I’ve come out of mourning. Oh my Maldini and Baresi long ago.
    I may be some little time.

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  10. alphonso: “the new peppered steak and mushroom pies, whilst being just about fit for purpose, are not in the same realm of excellence as the real thing”.

    Now, you see, you’ve only gone and done it!! Not unlike my last experience of sitting on a lower tier to Everton fans above me at Goodison Park who voided their bladders into plastic cups and deposited the contents on the away fans below, you’ve pissed on my parade. I hate mushrooms!!! There is no place in a traditional PSP fro bloody mushrooms. The requisite contents should be steak and pepper, nowt else. Whatever next, a veggie variant with sun dried tomatoes and vegan cheese? I shall count my modest blessings that Messers Meatland & Co. of Ranaana are still stocking the PSP Classico in a lovely glazed crust with a chunky rim for handling when warm.

    I remain

    Berko

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  11. Calgers old chaps

    I checked up on the “Away ” game tickets thing we discussed and it is almost impossible for SC holders like us, at the old gimmer, cheap skate end of the egalitarian spectrum, to get a ticket.

    I think Plymouth or Southend would have to give us around about a 10,000 ticket allowance for an early round stage of the Findus Moose, Cup Competition, for us to be able to buy an away ticket.

    Would I be right in thinking that you lot at the posh end are only allowed to buy one away ticket per game on a FCFS basis?

    If you are allowed more old chaps let me know Thinking
    As you are aware, I have always held you in the highest of esteem and would be sufficiently grateful to even offer to pay for it. Big Smile

    Next game we will both get to is Feyenord on Tuesday 21st, we will also come down to the Wham game on Sunday 3rd. We’ll travel down on the day and I will be working in Shropshire for the following week. After that it’s dodgy, and we will probably not get another game until the new year.

    Will City get to the New Year unbeaten?
    There has to be a reasonable chance.
    No game will start worse than 50/50 odds so taking games one at a time………

    Alph

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  12. berkozboy: You’re so catty Alph !

    ……………………………………………………

    True Berko, true…but only with those whom I choose most carefully with the criteria first, that they can (in my oft faulty opinion) take it with a smile and, second, come back with a suitable riposte, pithily and without mercy.

    On all criteria I failed dismally with Balfers who was, as Edmund Blackadder may well have opined, as prickly as a really prickly thing with many prickles!!

    On all criteria I usually do OK with Valers, and you Berko, you are family and rarely if ever, seem to miss the joke.

    With Calgers, well, we have a different relationship. We disagree on almost everything that most people would agree matter in the sound running of the universe, but setting aside for a moment all of that unimportant nonsense and Raheem Sterling, we agree on the really important things like for instance, “the new peppered steak and mushroom pies, whilst being just about fit for purpose, are not in the same realm of excellence as the real thing”.

    I like to think of Calgers as my brother Grin

    I didn’t agree with much he said either LOL

    Slasher is not a youngster like the rest of us; Slasher is a very Senior Cityzen and is rightly treated as Izzettshire Royalty. Slasher is above being ribbed and teased; one doesn’t rib and tease the Queen, for example, does one?

    Alph

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  13. alphonso: Perhaps Calgers has a view on this, he was highly perspicacious on the thorny subject of Raheem Sterling (ahem), his technical ability, value and City potential (cof cof).

    Alph

    You’re so catty Alph !

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  14. berkozboy: as Maureen found at to his cost with KDB, one club’s zebra is another club’s five legged donkey.

    …………………………………………..

    The funny thing is that predictably the dippers recent underwhelmedness with the 23-year-old, aforementioned Can(t), appears to coincide almost exactly with the breaking news that said Can(t) was hanging tough over his contract extension and might leave in the summer of 2018 on a free.

    Now whilst the word “free” is usually a song of joy to the ears of a dipper, that’s only when they are receiving something for nothing, either charitably, or by enforced liberation. Free when it means seeking employment elsewhere is almost a capital offence, more so when the potential escapee is only 23, has made 100 first team appearances for Dipperdom and is a fully paid up first teamer for the Krauts.

    Now consider the angst and hatred aimed at the fairly harmless Raheem Sterling when he announced his wish to leave the halcyon environs of the Côte de Mersey, and that was after they became aware that they would be compensated with enough dosh to but around half a million BMW hub caps at full retail price, inc VAT!

    You can therefore immediately discern that finding out that Can(t) would not only leave for nothing but could well do so by moving east a few miles to the Etihad, thus renewing his acquaintance with the aforementioned and indelibly despised Sterling who they now can see has annoyingly turned out to be demonstrably better than Jordon Ibe!

    No Berko, I don’t factor dipper angst into the potential shortcomings of signing the ambitious Kraut. In my view the reaction of Dipperdom to the news, real or fake, indicates more of his qualities than of his faults. I shall just ponder the contributions of Herr Trautmann and Herr Röslerand hope just an incy wincy bit that Herr Can, can and eventually does do.

    We shall see.

    Perhaps Calgers has a view on this, he was highly perspicacious on the thorny subject of Raheem Sterling (ahem), his technical ability, value and City potential (cof cof).

    Alph

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  15. alphonso: I raised this subject a little while ago Berko, but with as yet nil response.

    You see Alph this is what happens when you get your five legged donkey and hide it in a huge herd of Zebras. It gets lost in the stampede. For analogy-free clarification that’s me saying that as literate and worthy as your Octo-scrolls hondootedly are, your faithful followers can sometimes miss the more incisive points as we massage our digits back to life. (inserts good natured, winking emoji, if he knew how.)

    The Dippers seem to be underwhelmed by Can and have taken to adding an ” ‘t ” to his name. I suspect that if we get him it is because Pep has identified something in him that he believes he can work with and as Maureen found at to his cost with KDB, one club’s zebra is another club’s five legged donkey.

    I remain

    Berko

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  16. berkozboy: In an unusual foray back into matters footie I dip a bronzed ex-pat toe into our tranquil waters with a question to the panel. “What would Emre Can” bring to our party?”

    There has been a fair bit of guff in the meejah of late concerning the lad’s movements when his contract ends in the summer with Juve and City being the speculated destinations. We know this is normally 80% bollox and 20% other. Nevertheless, if there is anything in it is it worthy of serious discussion?

    I’ve not seen enough of him to form a proper opinion and so wouldn’t know what he brings. He can’t be doing much to help the Dippers although he does feature regularly for Deutschland. and he’s free.

    Do we want him? Do we need him?

    ……………………………………………………………………………………..

    I raised this subject a little while ago Berko, but with as yet nil response.

    All I can say is that a lot of good judges of a player rate him highly, he seems technically sound, physically and athletically impressive enough, and doesn’t lack work rate.

    I have a view on box to box DMF’s like Emre Can and would evidence our very own F1 when saying that players in that role are rarely noticed by opposition supporters in the way a Silva or De Bruyne is noticed, but are almost always highly valued and regarded by home supporters.

    Can is young, has a couple of years of top-level PL experience, would undoubtedly improve at the Etihad under Pep’s watchful eye and guidance, but if you are asking if he could be the next-gen F1, I’d have to say no more than “maybe”. Would I be pleased to get him for a song in the new year – yes, nothing to lose, at the very least a medium term profit to make, and more importantly, many Scousers to dismay – what’s not to like about all of that?

    Alph

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  17. alphonso: I swore off football after the last City game and will not poke my head back over the parapet until the next one kicks off!

    In an unusual foray back into matters footie I dip a bronzed ex-pat toe into our tranquil waters with a question to the panel. “What would Emre Can” bring to our party?”

    There has been a fair bit of guff in the meejah of late concerning the lad’s movements when his contract ends in the summer with Juve and City being the speculated destinations. We know this is normally 80% bollox and 20% other. Nevertheless, if there is anything in it is it worthy of serious discussion?

    I’ve not seen enough of him to form a proper opinion and so wouldn’t know what he brings. He can’t be doing much to help the Dippers although he does feature regularly for Deutschland. and he’s free.

    Do we want him? Do we need him?

    I remain

    Berko

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  18. berkozboy: Of course I’m no expert on the ways of the Jedi, Flat Earthists or the weirdos that Tom Cruz bangs on about.

    ……………………………………………………………

    Mm – the mind boggles.
    Howz about “Seventh Day Adventistess”?
    ……………………………………………………………..

    Valentino Azzurro: Watched last night, dunno why, because I knew it would be so, the worst football match I’ve ever seen. Ireland v Denmark.

    Yes indeed, that had ‘nasty’ writ large over it. The victory of hope over experience I suspect! You really should have known better Valers!

    I swore off football after the last City game and will not poke my head back over the parapet until the next one kicks off!

    Alph

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  19. alphonso: Maybe I was being a bit obtuse Valers, mea culpa.

    I was referring (in my mind) to FE’s political persuasions (dyed in the wool Tory) and in that respect very much one of Berko’s chaps.

    No apology needed, old friend.

    Watched last night, dunno why, because I knew it would be so, the worst football match I’ve ever seen. Ireland v Denmark.

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  20. Valentino Azzurro: * Berko, is the term “Jewess” still current or has it vanished up the non-PC pipe like “waitress” and “charlady”? Asking for a friend.

    To be honest Valers it was never really a thing on the inside. Nothing to do with PC or any of that nonsense. It was just a funny and superfluous word in the sense that we’d never call Mrs V a Protestantess, Catholicess, Methodistess or whatever. In fact I can think of no other religion that has had its male and female members defined by linguistic segmentation in this way. Of course I’m no expert on the ways of the Jedi, Flat Earthists or the weirdos that Tom Cruz bangs on about.

    I remain

    Berko

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  21. alphonso: You are in lofty company Berko.
    I stole that gag from the 1st Lord Birkenhead, one of your chaps, and prior to his elevation;Solicitor-General, Attorney-General, Secretary of State for India and post elevation,Lord Chancellor.

    ……………………………………………………

    Maybe I was being a bit obtuse Valers, mea culpa.

    I was referring (in my mind) to FE’s political persuasions (dyed in the wool Tory) and in that respect very much one of Berko’s chaps.

    I read a couple of books on FE back in the days when I had the political ideals of youth and enjoyed reading the lives of interesting politicians of all shade. FE had been recommended to me by a lawyer friend when I had mentioned that I liked a bit of sharp wit in a politician (at the time I was reading William Lamb – Lord Melbourne who remains a favourite). Others who made an impression (not always for wit I hasten to add) were William Lovett, Robert Owen, John Ruskin (amongst the radicals); John Stuart Mill, Hugh Gaitskell, Nye Bevan, David Lloyd George, Pitt the Younger and the lofty intellect of dear old Denis Healey.

    As for FE’s religious persuasion I suspect it was more “Tory Party at Prayer” than a real love of the Cof E. On the subject of the disestablishment of the Church of England in Wales, certainly GK Chesterton was not impressed with FE’s arguments.

    Quote:
    “A Bill which has shocked the conscience of every Christian community in Europe.”- Mr. F. E. Smith, on the Welsh Church Act 1914.

    Are they clinging to their crosses,
    F. E. Smith,
    Where the Breton boat-fleet tosses,
    Are they, Smith?
    Do they, fasting, trembling, bleeding,
    Wait the news from this our city?
    Groaning “That’s the Second Reading!”
    Hissing “There is still Committee!”
    If the voice of Cecil falters,
    If McKenna’s point has pith,
    Do they tremble for their altars?
    Do they, Smith?

    Russian peasants round their pope
    Huddled, Smith,
    Hear about it all, I hope,
    Don’t they, Smith?
    In the mountain hamlets clothing
    Peaks beyond Caucasian pales,
    Where Establishment means nothing
    And they never heard of Wales,
    Do they read it all in Hansard -
    With a crib to read it with -
    “Welsh Tithes: Dr. Clifford answered.”
    Really, Smith?

    In the lands where Christians were,
    F. E. Smith,
    In the little lands laid bare,
    Smith, O Smith!
    Where the Turkish bands are busy
    And the Tory name is blessed
    Since they hailed the Cross of Dizzy
    On the banners from the West!
    Men don’t think it half so hard if
    Islam burns their kin and kith,
    Since a curate lives in Cardiff
    Saved by Smith.

    It would greatly, I must own,
    Soothe me, Smith!
    If you left this theme alone,
    Holy Smith!
    For your legal cause or civil
    You fight well and get your fee;
    For your God or dream or devil
    You will answer, not to me.
    Talk about the pews and steeples
    And the cash that goes therewith!
    But the souls of Christian peoples…
    Chuck it, Smith!

    Alph

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  22. alphonso: You are in lofty company Berko.
    I stole that gag from the 1st Lord Birkenhead, one of your chaps,

    On a point of information Alph, Lord Birkenhead was not “one of your (Berko’s) chaps”. He was an Anglican. Witness his outrage when the Anglican Church of Wales disestablished. On the other hand, the 5th Lord Roseberry, with whom Birkenhead is twinned in a popular song of the day (“everyone knows me, from Smith to Lord Roseberry, I’m Burlington Bertie from Bow”) did marry a Jew* much to his mama’s dismay. I imagine this was greatly mollified by the revelation that the lady’s surname was ‘de Rothschild’.
    Incidentally, Roseberry’s family name was Primrose. The original Scottish football shirt sported alternate pink and primrose hoops – Lord Roseberry’s racing colours, as he was President of The Scottish FA on its inauguration (and presumably lumped a few bob into the kitty).

    * Berko, is the term “Jewess” still current or has it vanished up the non-PC pipe like “waitress” and “charlady”? Asking for a friend.

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  23. Calgary Blue: Gonna have to be a big boat ‘cos all the other investors will be there too!

    ……………………………….

    Oh crumbs Calgers!

    Silly me, I was naturally assuming that you would be the broker’s only client when one considers the amount of work involved in servicing and managing your enormous investment portfolio LOL

    Alph

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  24. berkozboy: You are, as ever in a place of safety with me as your gag like your Septo-scroll was as far over my head as a Chris Waddle penalty was over a German crossbar.

    …………………………………

    You are in lofty company Berko.
    I stole that gag from the 1st Lord Birkenhead, one of your chaps, and prior to his elevation;Solicitor-General, Attorney-General, Secretary of State for India and post elevation,Lord Chancellor.

    When he was simply FE Smith KC he was known to be of high intelligence (a Wadham College Oxford graduate) and an extremely quick and sharp-edged wit.

    In 1907, he was asked to give an opinion on a proposed defamation action by the Lever Brothers against newspapers owned by Lord Northcliffe concerning allegations of a conspiracy to raise the price of soap by means of a ‘soap trust’.

    He checked into the Savoy and, after working all night reading a pile of papers nearly four feet thick and consuming a bottle of champagne and two dozen oysters, Smith wrote a one-sentence opinion:

    “There is no answer to this action in libel, and the damages must be enormous”.

    Such was FE’s reputation the newspapers hurriedly agreed an apology to Lever and made a settlement of around £6m in todays value, more than 4 times greater any previous libel settlement.

    But I digress.

    Here are three quotes from FE Smith both during actions where he was the lead counsel in cases presided over by the same Judge, a person who Smith held in extremely low regard. The middle of the three is the one I stole. I recommend its use Big Smile .

    I once gained great (and undeserved) plaudits when using the quote back in the days when I served on a County Council as leader of the Liberal Group. The leader of your lot was far less forgiving than you Smile

    Judge: “What do you suppose I am on the bench for?”
    Smith: “It is not for me, Your Honour, to attempt to fathom the inscrutable workings of Providence.”

    [Judge:] “I have read your case, Mr Smith, and I am no wiser now than I was when I started.”
    [Smith:] “Possibly not, My Lord, but far better informed.”

    “Judge: “You are extremely offensive, young man!”
    Smith: “As a matter of fact we both are; and the only difference between us is that I am trying to be, and you can’t help it.”

    Naturally you will have noted that in my case, unlike FE, I wasn’t trying Big Smile

    Ah well – back to my studies.

    Alph

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